I tried to find a brick wall.
This was the best I could do.
Every so often, the real world slaps you so hard, you lose the breath to cry out.
Enter new car salesmen.
New for Old
The ‘new’, I learnt this week, applies only to cars – not salesmen.
In the decade since my old car was built, there’s been amazing progress in safety, efficiency and ergonomics.
Yet filthy sales tricks haven’t changed a bit.
I present some here, in case you benefit.
Cyber Space
A car that appears on a website may not actually exist.
Reading the fine print, you’ll learn that the gorgeous colour photo gallery is comprised of ‘stock images’.
And when it says ‘actual vehicle may differ’ you’d better believe it.
Paper Tiger
Wary of verbal shenanigans, you may prefer clear, simple, written truths.
Your email states explicitly that you have $13K cash, a $3K trade-in and nothing else.
The salesman calls this a ‘possible option’ for the car you seek.
In this context, ‘possible option’ doesn’t mean the same as: ‘taking the bus is a possible option’.
It’s more like: ‘removing that splinter from your finger by crashing a Bavarian wedding and begging the happy couple to saw your arm off once they’ve done the log is a possible option’.
Colour Bind
Let’s say you find a red, 3-door, base-level car online.
During your drive to the dealership, this may morph into a grey, 5-door, mid-level car.
The salesman won’t report this miracle until 1.5 hours after you arrive.
Testing Times
After test driving the ‘demonstration’ car, you’ll be seated at one of a series of picture windows.
After a while, you’ll realise you’re sitting opposite the ‘demo’ you’ve just driven.
Whatever car you planned to buy, this is the car for sale.
The salesman will dissemble and feed you this fact in small doses.
Like poison.
Copping it
As you absorb the news, the friendly salesman will start to shuttle between you and his evil boss.
By a series of increasingly long harangues (conducted silently and unseen behind a two-way mirror) he’ll browbeat his stingy superior into doing the ‘right thing’ for you.
Especially as the offered car has the wrong hue, too many doors and a slew of needless features.
The ‘right thing’ will be that you may acquire this ugly, useless changeling for a mere $1309 more than you possess.
Drive Away
At this point, you’ll realise life really is an illusion and it’s time to go.
Tell the salesman that, given the car for sale in no way resembles the car you came to buy, you:
- Need to get back for an afternoon appointment.
- Wish to beat peak-hour traffic.
- Would like your keys back, please.
- Don’t have any more money.
- Don’t need him to speak to his boss again.
- Are beginning to feel agitated.
- Really need to get moving.
- Have a particular personal need for a three-door vehicle.
- Don’t wish to drive a grey car for the next ten years.
- Notice that the traffic is getting quite heavy.
- Do need to leave the building soon, or you’ll go bananas.
- Would very much like your keys back, please.
- Don’t want to meet his boss.
- Share your wife’s view that the colour is non-negotiable.
- Can’t lay your hands on even $200 more.
- Must get out in the next two minutes.
- Don’t wish to chat with his boss (now present).
- Would like your keys back, please.
- Would like to leave, please.
- Would like to leave, please.
- Would like to LEAVE!
At this point, the boss’ cardboard smile will fall to reveal a malevolent sneer.
After tossing your keys and meting a vicious handshake, he’ll turn his back in disgust.
You’re now free to go.
Epilogue
The morning after this debacle, the salesman will call you excitedly with ‘Great News!’
Overnight, the exact car you sought has, incredibly, become available!
For the precise amount of money you offered!
But with trust and confidence totalled, it’s all too late.
Carnage
Imagine if you came to me for a short media release and I thrust a 200-page policy manual at you.
Or if one of your clients asked for A and got Z rammed down their throat.
How long would WE last?
This blog often notes that service is about listening to customers (not assuming we know what they want and then pushing that on them).
If you’ve had good or bad dealings with car salesmen (or any other bait-and-switch bandits) please pool your stories.
Lest more of our team be driven to tears.
Click here for Part 2 of this gripping saga.
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire
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Author
Adam Finlay
September 9, 2010 at 10:21 am
Thank goodness this blog shares generic business-world anecdotes and not personal experiences, else I would feel for you Paul.
Hmmm.
A world in which folk DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY’RE GOING TO DO.
Imagine that.
Again, the shouting is intentional.
Author
Paul Hassing
September 9, 2010 at 10:31 am
I agree, Adam. A delicate creative type like myself could never withstand such an onslaught.
Thanks for your comment. The next shout is on me.
Author
Leon Noone
September 9, 2010 at 4:17 pm
G’Day Paul,
They’re like “Chicken Man.” They’re everywhere!
Just yesterday I tried to buy a book online from Angus and Robertson. I could’ve bought it through Amazon but I decided to support the local business. I found it on the A&R online list. It was marked”In-stock. So I pressed the “BUY” button. Nothing happened..except a notice appeared telling me I could only buy one at a time. I only wanted one.
I tried a few more times and a few other ways including the so-called “help” button. Still nothing except that I now had five little notices telling me that I could only buy one.
So I sent an email to A&R telling them that I wanted to buy an “in-stock” book from them online but that their system wouldn’t let me. You wont believe what happened next.
A&R sent me a full page email suggesting that it was my server that was the problem. They also suggested a procedure I should follow to clear my server so that I could buy the book. If that didn’t work, they also suggested that I send them copies of their site, including screenshots of the offending page.
I emailed back that I was trying to buy the book from them because I wanted to support an Australian bookseller. I also suggested that they’d been successful in deterring me. I was off to Amazon.
This morning A&R sent me an email pointing out that on a previous page to the one my book was on that there was a tiny trolley icon. If I pressed that, I could buy the book.
I checked. There was a tiny trolley icon on the previous page. Just a tiny icon: no “Add to Cart” or anything linking the icon to the “BUY” button below the book.
Too late. I’d already ordered and paid for the book, and another, from Amazon: for less than A&R would’ve charged me.
Given the alleged travails of Australian booksellers, it makes you wonder…….1
Regards
Leon
Author
Paul Hassing
September 9, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Many thanks for your story, Leon. It’s a real page turner! I’m sure our Cheryl will have something to say on this topic.
When this sort of thing happens, it sure is hard to remember to have fun!
Author
Malcolm Owens
September 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm
These blokes are the bottom feeders of the business world. When looking for a car for my daughter I saw one on line for $2,999. I turned up at the dealership, found the car and the salesman told me – great, if I buy today he could reduce it to $4,250! Sharper than a rat with a gold tooth. Perhaps I shouldn’t have shown up in a Mercedes.
It was actually worth about $1.60 and a old coke ring pull. He spoke down to me like I had just killed his favourite cat. I told him I wasn’t interested and nearly got into a fist fight just to escape. They bully people and get away with it all too often.
No one ‘sells’ you a car. You decide what you want then negotiate a price. Always buy at the end of the month when they need to get their targets. Cars are always cheaper then. Give them a price and stick to it. No compromise. Tell them you are prepared to pay this price today and no negotiation. Be prepared to walk away. It may take an hour but you can save thousands.
Remember, don’t play their game of you will lose.Go hard and take no prisioners.
Author
Paul Hassing
September 9, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Thanks, Malcolm; that end of month tip is a beaut! I certainly wouldn’t want to get between you and your daughter’s happiness! You seem rather fond of your littluns!
Author
Bambi
September 10, 2010 at 2:53 pm
All this advice about how to negotiate with a car salesman or his boss is REALLY interesting – and IF YOU ARE A MAN, you should follow it.
However – as a women – I am totally invisible to car salesmen.
They can’t see me working through the lot, taking pics with my phone, reading the particulars in the window, sitting in the drivers seat, waiting at the reception desk….Though they can ALWAYS see the male who is with me.
Interestingly they can’t hear either. The few times I have been into a yard to buy a car, being invisble and all I have tried to help them out by speaking up and explaining “I am buying a car today – I am looking for the following criteria – and I have a budget of….”.
But lo and behold – Not only am I invisible – They are deaf.
Author
Paul Hassing
September 10, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Thanks very much for your bleak-but-true perspective, Bambi.
These fellows certainly seem trapped in a time warp. What other business could afford to ignore 50% of their potential customer base in one hit?!
It’s jolly nice to see you back. Thanks again. P.
Author
lizzie sanderson
September 10, 2010 at 8:24 pm
I to am invisible to car salesmen!
very frustrating given that i love cars, and have an interest in them.
Recent salesman spent the entire meeting talking to my boyfriend about the BMW 3 series I recently purchased – perhaps i would have had better luck if I’d bought something female like a mazda mx5 tsk…
It should be a great experience buying a car but from a woman it is a total nightmare!
Author
Paul Hassing
September 10, 2010 at 8:53 pm
I’m sorry to hear that, Lizzie. But grateful you’ve seen fit to share your take on this matter. The more views we get, the better informed our discussion. Many thanks!
Author
Carbonite Australia
September 12, 2010 at 6:51 am
I have been doing some work sourcing a digital agency over the past month and so after meeting and initial quotes I had short listed two (and recommended one) for our team to meet via formal presentation.
On the morning the one I recommended was going to come in, I received an email via my Gmail account saying that an Andrew couldn’t come in to see me today. It had no information about who he was nor what the appointment was about. Seems he used my Linkindin profile to access my personal email address.
I put two and two together and emailed him asking why and to hopefully reschedule. Eventually this happens. Out marketing team are a little annoyed and so am I, but I explain they will be worth waiting a few days for.
Friday comes (the day of the rescheduled presentation) and again an email in the morning saying that a major disaster had occurred at their agency and that he could gather the right personel and so wished me luck in finding an agency.
I emailed him back asking if he was still coming in. He responded No.
They say never email someone when you are angry with them. I did and told him that in that whole week, I could have arranged for another agency to present to us if I had known that he wasn’t interested in the work. I was annoyed that I had recommended them and that he had wasted my time.
He replied saying that if he was selected to do the work, he would have given us 100% commitment and service etc. I sat their wondering how good that 100% commitment and service would really have been.
Author
Paul Hassing
September 13, 2010 at 7:22 am
Thank you, Arthur. This is a rotten thing to happen to you. But it’s great to have it captured here so we can read and learn.
The old ‘never send a message in anger’ has been one of the three hardest lessons I’ve learned in life. But sometimes it’s SO hard to keep a lid on your hurt, angry feelings!
I’d be delighted if one of our readers could provide the services you seek. At least you have an idea of the calibre of people in here.
Best regards and good luck in your search.
Author
Bambi
September 13, 2010 at 8:47 am
Hi Arthur. We have been using Carbonite for 18 months or more (after discovering you via Leo Leporte) and absolutely love it. Thank you for the peace of mind.
With regard to a Digital Agency I met some guys just last week in Sydney who look very impressive to me. Happy to pass on those details if I am on the right track with what you require.
My email is bambi@growdon.com.au.
Author
Paul Hassing
September 13, 2010 at 8:50 am
This is very cool, Bambi! You’ve just described two of the connections I was most hoping this blog would facilitate.
Kind, clever, ethical professionals sharing their stories and looking after each other for fun and profit. How ace is that?!
Thanks so much for taking the time to write.