As with large wooden beads, most business owners can string a sentence.
Due to this, many don’t feel they need a professional writer to optimise their communications.
Now and then I get a reminder of my redundancy, like this striking missive from Dirt Cheap Pfoofer Valves* (DCPV):
Error Legend: [ ] Minor. [ ] Major. [ ] Fatal.
Hello Dear Customer
We Are open 10am-6pm on Easter Saturday ,Easter Sunday and Easter Monday .
There has been alot of new pfoofer valves that have just arrived to the warehouses.
Over the three days we will be given a free $5 valve of your choice to anybody that visits the warehouses .
There is no obligation to buy anything ,sounds to good to be true but thats the deal .
We are running this promotion in the herald Sun on Easter Sunday ,so we suggest u come on the Saturday to surly avoid the masses that will arrive to claim the offer .
Offer is valid 3RD 4TH AND 5TH OF APRIL 2010
Happy Shopping .
MR Dirt Cheap Pfoofer Valves
When I stumbled on DCPV’s website, their atrocious writing didn’t stop me visiting their store. In fact I bought quite a few valves over several visits.
Their last promotion, however, was deeply disappointing. The TV-touted $1 valves turned out to be useless for all but the simplest applications.
I did not, therefore, take up this Easter offer.
It may be vain or spurious to suggest poor communications indicate poor business practices.
Yet next time I see an offer this badly worded, I’ll surly avoid it.
Many judge people by their appearance.
I judge firms by their writing.
Is this fair?
Do you care?
* I used ‘pfoofer valves’ because:
- I don’t wish to harm the business concerned.
- ‘Widget’ now means more than an abstract production unit.
- Wikipedia deleted my pfoofer valve entry with, I believe, undue haste.
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire