Photo by Sidd Jones of Dragon’s Landing.
Yesterday I had an interaction that was so wrong, on so many levels, I had to report it.
I was editing a State Government document at Empire House.
An agent of Federal Government Environment Policy arrived at my gate and pushed against the brick holding it shut.
He was a very young man in a fluorescent waistcoat that said: FREE INSULATION.
Here’s our conversation, distilled for your convenience:
Your gate’s weird.
The brick stops my dogs getting out.
Do you want free insulation? Government’s paying for it.
I’m not sure. When we renovated, we put in a false ceiling with new insulation. Still, one can never have too much insulation. Would my house qualify?
Can you see your insulation?
I think so.
Don’t reckon then; we could get audited.
[To mobile phone] Charge her the full $400. You’ll get the most that way. If she won’t pay $400, call me back and I’ll drop it. But you won’t make as much.
Well, thanks for stopping by …
We can rip your insulation out.
Why would you do that?
So you can get new insulation.
Well, it’s not very old, I’m not sure …
The new stuff’s really good.
So was mine. Would it have deteriorated much, given it’s only been in a few years?
Doesn’t matter. We can rip it out.
Even if there’s nothing wrong with it?
Yeah. If we write down that it’s ‘damaged’, it’s damaged.
Yeah. Everyone’s doing it. People are making heaps.
I see why there’s been some comment in the media about this scheme.
Yeah. [To mobile phone] I’m just up the road. You start; I’ll be there in two seconds.
[To me] Training.
Of course. Well, thanks for ...
Is this Number 16?
OK. See ya.
As a tax-paying, business-optimising greenie, I was deeply affected by this immane and nefandous malefaction.
Today’s youth have a colourful term for it:
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire