I was going to report this development as a comment on Naming Rights, but I was so stunned that I had to give it a full post.
The Telstra ROBOT that gave me so much grief during my ISP dramas has evolved beyond the point of recognising my voice and hanging up.
It has now begun calling me back! [Cue Kraftwerk mood music.]
Last Friday, my mobile rang twice from a land line I didn’t recognise. Both times I answered with my name and the line went dead.
On the third attempt, the ROBOT spoke. I was so shocked, I can only recall the gist:
Hello. This is Telstra Customer Service. We’re calling because we believe you recently had a customer service interaction with us. To improve our service, we’d like your feedback. To respond, simply follow the cues. First, to confirm that you did indeed have a customer service interaction with us, press 1…
At this point I hung up in terror.
When Jon Pertwee was Dr Who, his assistant was Jo Grant. In one episode, Jo was replaced by an android whose face fell off to reveal two eyeballs on stalks, surrounded by electronics. This awful image haunted my childhood dreams for months.
The Telstra ROBOT has taken me right back there. Though I imagine few will share my visceral reaction, I suspect many will agree there are some things one really should not automate.
One of those things is feedback on service. Especially when that service was sought as part of a long, arduous quest to restore the high-end cable internet access for which one had already paid top dollar.
Do I hear an amen?
Or just a Bzzz Click?
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Author
Anthony
August 4, 2009 at 9:52 am
Ive got a safe place you can hide Paul if you need one … Just dont leave it too late!
Author
Paul Hassing
August 4, 2009 at 9:55 am
Thank you, Anthony. Fonnie is packing our bags and grabbing the dogs as we speak. A large white van has pulled up outside. It doesn’t look good…
Author
malcolm Owens
August 4, 2009 at 10:28 am
I just love automated responses! Last week I had to call a telephone company, no names but it is in the top 3 in the country, because they had cut my daughter’s phone off for not paying the bill which was on direct debit so they messed up.
Anyway I call and navigate my way through 7 seperate menu options for which the first comment of each was the 30 second disclaimer followed by the ‘this call may be monitored for…..’ to finally speak to a person who was obviously ‘off shore’ because she tried to tell me that there was no state called ‘Victa Rea’ in Australia.
After 20 minutes on the phone with me trying to convince her that it was their error she asked if I would like to make a payment on credit card now.
Why dont you just take the money out of the account now?
Can’t do it.
OK but will it be alright next month can you check your system is OK?
Is that Visa or Mastercard?
Visa, but will it be OK next month?
Number please. There is also a $16.00 non payment free and a $30.00 reconnection fee. Is that OK.
No
Why not.
Because it’s your fault so I’m not paying the reconnection fee, how does that work?
Was that Visa Sir?
Yes but dont charge me the stupid fees.
What is the number?
How much are you charging me.
The outstanding balance plus the reconnection fees.
No, that’s not right.
Did you say Visa Sir?
AArrrggggghhhhhhhhhh
What? (dial tone).
I would kill for a robot. Sheer luxury. You lucky, lucky bastard!
Author
Paul Hassing
August 4, 2009 at 10:36 am
The fools! Everyone knows ‘Victa Rea’ was the independent state set up on an old floating flak battery just off Williamstown.
All the diehard two-stroke fans went there to disembowel Rover lawn mowers into the sea at neap tide. You’d think they could at least get THAT bit right!
I feel your pain, Malcolm; thank you for sharing it!
Author
SpikeTheLobster
August 4, 2009 at 10:25 pm
OMG, we have the same Jo Grant memory. That’s freaky. Do you have the one of the gribbly, slimy thing in Sapphire & Steel as well, when it slithered out of a wall or something?
Incidentally, did the feedback have a “you suck” option?
Author
Paul Hassing
August 5, 2009 at 10:15 am
Dear Spike, I do recall Tom Baker with some gribbly, slimy dalek critters on his face; is that near enough?
If the ROBOT rings back I will endure the full menu for the sake of science. Rest assured I’ll be keeping an ear out for the ‘you suck’ number. Perhaps 86 would be a good fit.
Thanks for your comment! P.
Author
Andy
August 5, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Unbelievable. I’ve been fortunate enough to never (directly) give money to Telstra, and every time I hear a story like this — and mind you, it’s a VERY frequent occurrence — I recommit myself to keeping it up. It’s not even so much that this is a case of BAD customer service… it’s that it’s DUMB and LAZY customer service.
Author
Paul Hassing
August 5, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Many thanks for your comment, Andy. May I ask where you sourced those ace pics for your uberslick website? They’re very nice! Best regards, P.
Author
Stephen Glanville
August 6, 2009 at 10:32 am
Well, well, well! Aren’t we a fine little bunch of ‘ROBOTEES’? :- )
Perhaps Telstra is a kind of ‘Matrix-esque’ political tool designed to provide us (the ‘fuelling spawn’), with a non-crtical & non-corporeal common foe to instill a semblence of social comradary whilst distracting us from engaging in battles we can win?… :- )
Hi Folks…I’m back :- )
You’re not going to believe why I have been absent for the past week…actually, you probably will:
In a word, Pigbond…oops! That’s Bogpond…I mean Bigpond :- P Yep! I have had a royal dunking.
As I did in the ‘Naming Rights’ discussion (http://myob.com.au/blog/naming-rights/), I feel obliged to mention that up until last week, my internet connection had been very good indeed. (Oh and for context; I signed up with Telstra & Bigpond in early June because I moved to a fine little village just outside of Canberra where they are the only Telco providers).
It was a disarmingly ‘normal’ morning. I turned on my computer, keen to chew into my listed business preparation tasks for the day. For all intents and purposes everything looked normal (except me of course :- P). Until I realised that my internet connection was only working in one direction (i.e. I could send but not recieve).
Because my phone was out too (also, for the first time in about 6 weeks…except for my first phone which broke on the first day and had to be returned), I figured that ‘they’ might have been working on the ‘Mobile Comms Tower’. But as I had receieved no forwarning courtesy message (like every other service company on the planet would provide as a matter of course!), I couldn’t know for sure, and I had no way of finding out (my car was at the mechanic as well). I was completely cut-off and could only wait.
A couple of hours later, my phone service came on and I began my ‘dunking’. I was informed that indeed work was being done on the tower. When I asked how long they expected it to take, I was told they didn’t know. I asked if they could call me when they knew…you can guess what the answer was…along with a generous belly-laugh.
So I waited. That evening I called again…spent another 20 minutes working my way through the ROBOT, regailed my story to a couple more partially-anglicised, script-readers to find out that no one knew anything more than they did earlier. So I waited…again.
The next morning I did it all again. This time however, I was connected to an Australian guy. He was unable to confirm any work had been carried out on the tower at all and set about talking me through an hour of troubleshooting protocols. He determined that there might be a problem with my modem and that he had to transfer me to ‘Activations’.
So, I went through the entire process from re-explaining to re-troubleshooting AGAIN!…at one point the new partially-anglicised script-reader had to speak with a superior and placed me on hold. The line dropped out and I had to do it all again.
The end result was that my modem was indeed stuffed. They said they would replace it…I said “great! I was getting a lift into town the next day to pick up my car…I could change it over then.” The reply was “Oh no we can’t do that! We have send it to you with a return mail package for the broken modem.” This of course would take 3-5 ‘Business Days’, which of course means A WEEK in the ‘roolly rool’ world. I tried to remind them that this is a business, that I’m very busy being only a couple of weeks away from launch and in need of my connection…this was deftly ignored.
At least I got the new modem in a week, but DAMN!
I haven’t received the ‘Survey ROBOT’ yet…
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
August 6, 2009 at 10:44 am
Wow, Stephen; what a sad and chilling tale. I expect we’ll all end up as bite-sized bikkies for Telstra’s call centre staff. I’m a Soylent Green man myself, but they’ll probably make me into Red, just to show who’s boss.
I’m very sorry you’ve had so much trouble, Stephen. I expect my pets and relatives will be targeted next. Fonnie, if you’re reading this, STAY IN THE TOOLSHED! Steve McQueen survived on cockroaches for 20 years, so can you…
Author
Stephen Glanville
August 6, 2009 at 11:16 am
Hmmm! Wood-Fired Cockroach & Soylent Green Pizzas? Have you got any extra room in that shed mate? :- )
I’m looking forward to the movies…Telstra, Testra – Judgement Day, Telstra Salvation…:-P
Red Bikkies available for free in the foyer…
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Andy
August 6, 2009 at 2:41 pm
If only I’d ever gotten around to watching Soylent Green — although, since I know how it ends, it hardly seems worth it — I might more fully appreciate some of these jokes.
My boss had a great line about Telstra the other day: “They have what they think is a great business model. It’s just that the customer’s keep screwing it up.”
Anyway.
Paul, thanks for the kind words about our new site! Wish I could say we spent many long days on a photo shoot in an exotic locale to get those photos, but alas, they’re merely from istockphoto.com.
Cheers,
Andy
Author
Paul Hassing
August 6, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Dear Andy, Soylent Green is a ripper. If they’ve not already been spoiled for you, you may also dig Dark Star, Silent Running and The Quiet Earth.
Your boss’ line is great. Thanks also for the istockphoto reveal. As we mentioned in http://myob.com.au/blog/cheap-shots/ it’s a good, cheap source for images. Best regards, P.
Author
Andy
August 6, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Ah, I missed that earlier post! Yes, it’s a great resource and often ignored for reasons that are unknown to me. I, like yourself, come from the ad agency world, and we NEVER used them! Yes, there’s a place for the Getty’s and Corbis’ of the world, but not ALWAYS.
Author
Stephen Glanville
August 6, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Have you seen ‘A Scanner Darkly’? I loved it…good ol’ ‘Canoe’ Reeves at his laconic best…
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
August 6, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Haven’t seen it, but just put it on my list. I’ll use it to get Fonnie back for Runaway Bride!
Author
Paul Hassing
September 3, 2009 at 11:07 am
Well, the Telstra ROBOT just got me a beauty! Looks like there’s life in the old beast yet.
My BigPond cable internet access went down this morning. After waiting half an hour or so, I decided to ring tech ‘support’.
You may recall that BigPond finally granted me a magic word to get past their ROBOT. That word was ‘consultant’. To my surprise, after saying ‘consultant’ to the ROBOT a couple of times I made it to a queue.
I waited on hold from 8.25 to 9.00 am, missing two (client?) calls in the process. When I got through, I was told that the ROBOT had sent me to the dial up team, not the cable team. Touche!
After confirming that this customer service officer was in the Philippines, I explained that I’d been advised by BigPond email to call 133 933.
She said that the number was right but I was wrong and that she could only put me back on hold. This she did.
Seven minutes later, I got a cable CSO (in Manilla). Luckily, before we had to deal, my access was restored.
So, the score is now ROBOT: 12, ME: 0. Somehow, I don’t think I’m going to make the Top 8.
Not happy, Jan!
Author
Paul Hassing
September 10, 2009 at 7:44 am
An interesting development:
http://www.smartcompany.com.au/telecommunications/20090908-telstra-kills-off-corporate-blog.html
Author
Stephen Glanville
September 10, 2009 at 9:10 am
I didn’t even know they had a blog
…& what’s a ‘Sol Trujillo’? Is that a kind of aloe-based jel that offers 50+ protection from Telstra?
I don’t get out much…:-P
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
September 10, 2009 at 9:14 am
Very funny! Apparently it’s a highly corrosive gel that Telstra can’t get out from under its skin. Even though the source has taken his loot and buggered off back home after rubbishing Australia.
Author
Stephen Glanville
September 10, 2009 at 9:23 am
Ooh! What good timing…just got my ‘BigPond’ monthly account…they’ve overcharged me again…but this time only by double what I should be paying…that’s an improvement.
The last 3 times it was more.
So let me see…I’ve been with BigPond since June 2009. This is my 4th bill and this is the 3rd time I’ve been overcharged.
Oh well, nobody’s perfect…maybe they’ll make up for it next month and overcharge me by a 4 digit amount?
Ah yes, I so look forward to my monthly 90 minute long phone calls where I have to regale all the information that they are supposed to have on their computers, over & over & over, to several erstwhile, yet severely depressed employees, desperately attempting to adhere to the ridiculously contrived corporate courtesy regimes. BigPond is yet to learn that you can’t manufacture customer satisfaction…you’ve actually got to satisfy customers to achieve that…but it’s ok…the Epoch is young…:-/
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
September 10, 2009 at 10:12 am
Poor Stephen!
I now realise why Telstra chose the name BigPond.
It’s where little fish like us sink without trace!
Author
Stephen Glanville
September 10, 2009 at 10:29 am
Hail Mary to that Cobba :- )
The other day, when having a big spleen-venting ‘Twit’, I deftly & strategically employed the non de plume ‘Large Swamp’ to protect the no doubt ‘innocent’ corporate contingent…
Blub, blub, blub…twitch, flap, flop…sigh! (Insert branded Corporate Albatross here!)
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
September 24, 2009 at 1:57 pm
The Telstra ROBOT got me again. An $11 dollar fine for paying my bill 8 days late.
I also see Telstra are bringing in a new Payment Adminstration Fee. $2.20 each time you pay a bill by mail or in person.
Charging us for the hassle of accepting our good money for their crap service. Will it ever end?
Author
Paul Hassing
September 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm
And finally…
They buried the $11 fee on Page 6 of my 8-page bill.
In the summary on Page 2, they combined it under FaxStream (in the hope I wouldn’t notice). Diabolical!
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 12, 2009 at 9:38 am
Hi Folks,
Latest installment – Another month and yet another overcharge by more double on my Bigpond Mobile Broadband Account! That’s a 100% track record.
Also, last month I went into a Telstra Shop to get a new phone and upgrade my account to a $79 Cap so that I would not be paying so much for extra calls…got my bill for last month…$471.00. They didn’t implement my account upgrade…but they charged me for my new phone. Total bills for this month and last month…$731.00.
Gee thanks Telstra…now that’s what I call customer service and small business solutions.
Cheers
Stephen G
PS Can’t access my bill details because their website is broken.
PPSS I didn’t deftly employ any non de plumes on Twitter this time…I’ve had a gut full!
Author
Paul Hassing
October 12, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Gee, Stephen; you sure are having a rough time with that crowd. I’m sorry you’re suffering to this extent but grateful you’ve seen fit to add your threads to the Telstra Tapestry of Tears.
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 12, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Yep! It seems there truly is “nothing new under the Sun”
I had a bloke from Telstra contact me via Twitter. I’ve been writing emails ever since.
Though this good chap is doing his best to help, the system within which he has to work is hardly conducive. And it doesn’t alleviate the cost to me of having to communicate all this stuff. It’s taken about 4 hours of my day so far, with researching and compiling account information, reviewing assessing bills, and then the actual communication part. Even at a poultry and undervalued $60/hr for my time, over the past few months, just the time alone has cost me well over $1000…and I’m paying them? There is something drastically wrong with that picture…don’t you think?…I know you are in the same boat…perhaps even worse…you’re more expensive than me
Anyway, onward and upward. For now, I can get back to the other compliance issues that are keeping me from progressing my business…and costing me too much precious time…but that’s a story you know only too well…as well
Thanks again for your kind words and support as usual Good Sir
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
SpikeTheLobster
October 12, 2009 at 7:10 pm
I’ll say it again, Stevo: send them a bill for your time. “Administration fees.” If they complain, you itemise it and attach it to a letter explaining that all the detail they need (and keep requesting) should ALREADY be available to them through their own systems and that you’ll be happy to give them the standard 30 days to pay. Then take them to court if they don’t. Small claims, no win no fee. They’ll back down, real fast.
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 12, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Yeh! I know Cobba…and thanks again for not giving up me.
It’s just ‘the time’…at the moment I just don’t have it. But I won’t forget and it is always good to have somewhere to go…
I really dug your new article too mate – http://bit.ly/K4YVL That Pie makes me hungry…I love Pork Pies…the real ones, not the metaphoricals
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
October 12, 2009 at 7:48 pm
I have high hopes, Stephen, of enticing your Telstra Twitter friend to our forum for a little chat.
And I fantasize often, Spike, of sending that bill. Not sure what’s stopping me. Fear of success? Thank you for visiting; it’s always great to get your UK take.
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 12, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I’ll see what I can do mate. In the meantime, I’ve followed him on Twitter…perhaps our combined magnetic ‘Twitternalities’ may prove ‘irresisTelstrable’?
I thought Spike was from the US?
I think I might’ve swallowed a ‘Pork Pie’ somewhere along the line? ;-P
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
October 13, 2009 at 6:47 am
Good on you, Stephen. I’m following the Telstra chap too. I was thinking in bed that he needs the desire, authority and systems to look after us. I wonder if it’s possible for him to have all three.
With regard to Spike, here’s the bio from his blog:
I’m Spike Wyatt. I’m male, human (or close) and nearly 40 years old. I’m English by birth and now live and work on the south coast of the UK. I share my life with a very special lady (who does me the honour of putting up with me!).
I recently moved back here from Paris, where for over 7 years I was an IT Analyst, Tech Lead, CRM Specialist and Business Intelligence POC for a huge great big American networking company (yes, that one).
An interesting fellow to be sure.
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 13, 2009 at 1:59 pm
G’day mate
Thanks for the Spike update…I did read that a while ago too…I must’ve had my wires crossed. Trying to deal with Telstra/Bigpond can have that effect can’t it?
And Yep! Our Spikester is a man of many talents
Well, I’ve just spent another morning being insulted by Telstra/Bigpond. Another 3 hours…
But just for the record, ‘the Telstra Chap’ from Twitter is a very decent fella who is doing all he can to help me deal with a Customer Service System that is clearly not intended for actual customer service, nor is it intended to be able to be dealt with. I therefore imagine that he is experiencing at least some semblance of the the frustration and humiliation that I am.
That said, you wouldn’t believe the insane things that this poor guy has asked me to do in accord with ‘Company Policy’…actually, you certainly would (reference the above
…and you would therefore, also, probably believe my replies.
If I get to the point of publishing some of the emails from the last 2 days (and I’m already exercising extreme restraint), I’m sure that at the very least, they will make for some entertaining, though sad, reading.
I’ll do my best to keep you posted…though if I keep being forced to jump through pointless hoops at this rate (and Telstra/Bigond are not the only ones doing this at the moment), I may well be bankrupt by the end of the week…I have now spent 2 days of this week alone, doing anything but progressing my new business.
Stay tuned…film at 11
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 13, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Oh! I just realised/remembered, that all the Telstra stuff you (Paul), have posted is over on the ‘Naming Rights’ blog ( http://myob.com.au/blog/naming-rights/ ).
I’ll continue with my updates over there.
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
October 13, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Either is good, Stephen. The two have become rather intertwined over time.
Author
Paul Hassing
October 13, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Poor Stephen! You must have been a very VERY naughty slug in your last life to have garnered such crap karma.
Certainly this forum isn’t meant to be a Telstra-bashing zone. However, if a supplier is rattling your nascent business to bits and you have pertinent communications to table, I reckon it’s a fair cop.
Failing that, there’s always your blogs. Or a book. Actually, a film might not be such a bad idea. Remember ‘Supersize Me’?
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 13, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Crap Karma my pink tooshi!
If I had crap karma, I’d be the poor buggers trying to deal with me 
If I had crap karma, I would’ve been born as a tadpole in an Afghani Eel Farm, or a blind, quadraplegic, Black American Lesbian in Iran.
No, no, no! I reckon I’m exceedingly blessed my…I’m not complaining Cobba
…it’s not coming across as complaining is it? Shit! I hope not!
Though I suppose it could be construed as such by today’s nanosecond long, electronically-’enTwitterated’, Blu-Ray, Touch-screen, ‘Follow me now & avoid the rush, super-conducting, real-time, virtual-surround, 3D Stereoscopic, gimme, gimme, gimme, now, now, NOW!, prescription-drug infused attention-spans?..:-P
But you get that…:-P
Cheers
Stephen G
PS Are you suggesting something along the lines of ‘Super-Glue Me’ The Movie? or ‘I used to have some money, but I’m alright now?’
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 13, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Hehe! I keep scrolling up to the top to check which blog article I’m writing in
I just wanted to let you know that there is a ray of hope for Tesltra/Bigpond yet. I can’t tell you his name…and no, it’s not Ray
I’ve just finished replying (hopefully finally), to our mysterious Telstra Twitter friend. He has managed to demonstrate, not only that their are in fact decent people working therein, but that it is possible to actually help a customer and creatively resolve a situation for a customer, even with the Telstra/BigPond Leviathan working against him too! A courageous effort and my sincere thanks to him…he knows who he is.
I’m hoping we get to find out who is in these hallowed pages…but that’s up to him. I did invite him though…we’ll have to wait and see.
Anyway, a relatively positive outcome so far…and it only took 2 days (that’s the quickest ever in my experience of ‘Telstra/Bigpond’). Mind you, that’s about 7 hours of my time! And it remains to be seen whether or not his sterling efforts and our time will result in actual implementation, and if that implementation remains in place all the way to the next billing cycle?
But still, it does show that amazing things can happen when a ‘valued customer’ is able to speak with the same company employee more than once about the same issue…we might have even fixed it?…
Stay tuned.
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
October 13, 2009 at 5:18 pm
I’m clutching the bedclothes with excitement!
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 13, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Are you just saying that?
…you’re not in bed!…are you? ;-P
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
SpikeTheLobster
October 13, 2009 at 9:10 pm
I’m sure he’s not in bed, just clutching the comfort blanket, Linus-style.
I keep missing updates because my RSS feeds don’t seem to be working: on the list of things to fix today, methinks! And Paul’s right – I’m a Brit, born and bred. Have just worked for a lot of Americans in the past.
Off to the Naming Rights thread to catch up on the monstrous big-business goings-on of the mighty Telstra… makes me glad that the worst people I have to deal with are banks! Isn’t it funny how awful companies always have nice people who try really hard to help?
Author
Paul Hassing
October 14, 2009 at 6:40 am
I have a set of metaphorical bedclothes in a box beside my workstation. When things get exciting online, I clutch them.
Great to see you back, Spike. Hope you give that RSS what-for. We keenly appreciate your comments.
I’m yet to encounter a nice Telstra person. Either the ROBOT gets to me first or the offshore time delay gets in the way. I’ve taken a number to see Stephen’s new special friend. Fingers crossed!
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 14, 2009 at 11:13 am
Oh I can see we’re gunna get some mileage out of the bedclothes thing…LOL
I have ‘prehistorical’ ones that I keep in a cage as far away from my workstation as legally possible
Always good to see the Spikester
I have to agree with Spike…it’s often been my experience too, that the really awful companies so often have nice people that really try hard to help.
My mysterious Telstra dude is a fine example.
And guys, don’t tell anyone, but I did a new post on my blog last night (it’s called ‘In the name of WHAT?…’)…it has an almost and poorly hidden secret surprise that you may be interested to find… (Paul, maybe you’ll uncross your finger after this ;-P).
I’m purposely being a tad mysterious myself in the interest of protecting my good Mr Telstra.
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
October 14, 2009 at 11:28 am
Wow, Stephen, your blog says it all. Interested folk need only click your name (above your comment) to be whisked to a world of hurt.
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 14, 2009 at 11:52 am
Thanks Paul,
Your encouragement means a great deal
But, Ummm, mate? My name is linked to my Pizza site…not the blog ;-P
Though there is now a banner on my pizza site that points to the blog
To save that though, here is the blog link:
http://edits.nosh-it-wood-fired-pizza.com.au/2009/10/13/in-the-name-of-what/
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
October 14, 2009 at 11:56 am
Sorry, Mate. I did indeed track down that blog post via your site. Much better that you’ve provided a link for the curious.
With a tale such as yours, I expect a marked drop in the number of mobile wood-fired pizza oven businesses opening in the next few quarters.
Could this all be part of your cunning plan to spook competitors and OWN your market?!
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 14, 2009 at 12:33 pm
No wuckers me ol’ mucker
Ooh! You’re on to me
Butt Seriously – I already have my own market mate…I’m the only act of it’s kind in town…my only challenge in that regard is meeting demand.
If I could just get a clear run at it, I’d be fine.
But thanks largely to the local NEIS Provider (NOT DEEWR who is the Gov Dept that administers the program nationally, who incidentally have been very helpful), who summarily and inappropriately suspended me (removing my only income at the time – in early August), my cash-flow situation has been severely damaged.
Since writing to the State & Commonwealth Ministers, speaking with DEEWR and submitting appropriate compliances, I have been re-instated with back-pay (my reinstatement letter from DEEWR is dated 29 Sept 2009). This will save my bacon…literally.
Enter the Small Business Support & NEIS Provider, who suddenly and inexplicably requires endless more reams of compliance (that they blame DEEWR for), which I have been attending to for the last 2 weeks.
I’m supposed to be getting paid this Thursday (according to my letter of reinstatement from DEEWR), but in the interest of compliance, the NEIS Provider is seemingly and almost desperately trying to find a way to suspend me again…I feel as though they are assuming I’m a criminal rorting the system, and I’m guilty until proven innocent.
Now, 2 days away from being paid (with a ‘mentoring’ meeting already scheduled for next week), I’m being asked to drive 70klm on Thursday or Friday of this week for a “quick chat”. About what I don’t know.
I have to tell you, I’m fairly nervous right now. If I don’t get this back-pay (lifeline), it will be nigh on impossible for me to continue, let alone recover. This is this particular NEIS Provider’s idea of Small Business Support!
Wish me luck
Cheers
Stephen G
PS I don’t think my situation should discourage aspiring Mobile Wood-Fired Pizza Entrepreneurs…but I can only hope it may encourage those thinking about doing the NEIS Program to be very careful about which provider they engage. Unfortunately, at the time I enrolled, I only had a choice of one here in the ACT…since then, another has popped up.
Author
Paul Hassing
October 14, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Many thanks for the update, Stephen. It all looks unusually intense to me. Did you ever steal a pen from the Commonwealth Bank or anything like that?
PS. Your NEIS provider warning could be one of the most valuable ‘take outs’ (forgive me) of this whole dreadful saga. Readers take note!
Author
Joanna Maxwell
October 14, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Brilliant series of posts, these, made my day! Not sure which thread is the more gruesome, Telstra or those small business people, but my thoughts go to you both. I contemplated adding my Virgin/Optus thread, but I will refrain in the interests of my own sanity. (Though I can’t resist sharing the auto message you get (in the slickest most annoying man voice) when you type a wrong key: ‘Oops, you made a mistake. Are you a bit tipsy?’ Say no more…
Joanna
Author
Paul Hassing
October 14, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Thank you, Joanna. I really appreciate your feedback.
Your Virgin/Optus thread would actually protect us from allegations of bias. However, I know how painful it is to open old wounds. So, please consider your input most welcome but not mandatory.
The Telstra ROBOT and the Virgin/Optus automessage should get together. Their babies could star in the next Terminator movie!
Author
Stephen Hamilton
October 15, 2009 at 10:08 am
I’d like to throw in my two cents worth:
Telstra suck. Optus (my current mobile provider) are only marginally better than Telstra. I use Internode for my broadband at my home/office and I have enjoyed exceptional service all around from them.
Also, I think that many of the NEIS Providers do a terrible service for what is a pretty good initiative – I wasted heaps of time some time ago looking into it, only to get messed around by the NEIS scheme providers. After being told contradictory things about my eligibility over and over again, I eventually gave up. I find it hard to believe that even Centrelink could do a worse job of administering it!
/end of rant.
Author
Paul Hassing
October 15, 2009 at 10:13 am
Thank you, Stephen H. Your two cents has been rounded up to five cents and put into escrow. A receipt will be forwarded to your mailing address. Your call is important to us!
Author
Paul Hassing
October 23, 2009 at 4:22 pm
‘Market leader Telstra recorded 80,983 complaints involving 174,123 issues – by far the most of any carrier.’
http://www.theage.com.au/technology/technology-news/complaints-against-telcos-jump-54-per-cent-20091023-hckf.html
Author
Paul Hassing
October 26, 2009 at 8:04 am
COMMUNICATIONS Minister has threatened telecommunications companies with a legislative crackdown unless they dramatically improve their customer service.
http://www.theage.com.au/national/conroy-threat-to-rein-in-telcos-20091025-heqq.html
Author
Paul Hassing
March 25, 2010 at 9:49 am
This is very good:
http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/blogs/blunt-instrument/you-can-go-to-helstra/20100324-qwom.html
Author
Paul Hassing
March 25, 2010 at 9:50 am
… and this shows that he may actually succeed:
http://astore.amazon.com/thefeiemp-20/detail/0143114948
Author
Paul Hassing
March 25, 2010 at 9:51 am
[img]http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41XcZVwR4iL._SL210_.jpg[/img]