Another gym membership down the drain.
What is it with gym memberships?!
Like napalm, they cling and burn no matter what you do.
Alas, I’ve had less success at my local pool.
Technically, they’re correct.
Morally, I feel twisted and hung out to dry.
See what you think.
I’m going away for a bit.
Could you please suspend my membership immediately and reactivate it effective 26 July?
Best regards, P.
Unfortunately we are unable to suspend your membership as requested, as you have already used your maximum 62 suspension days this year.
If you do require your membership to be inactive while you are away, you are able to cancel your membership and rejoin within six months without paying a joining fee.
Kind regards, X.
Thank you, X.
Could you please cancel my membership immediately?
As I did not hear back from you prior to your email today, unfortunately you have missed the cut off to prevent the next debit being processed, which is the 25th of each month. You will still be able to access our facilities until the 27th of August, so your cancellation will be effective of this date.
Your reference number is CLC 32018
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your patronage and wish you all the best for your future endeavours. If you wish to re-join our facility within the next six months, we would like to offer you no joining fee.
I have attached a copy of the terms and conditions for your perusal.
That is a literal interpretation of a mean-spirited policy, X.
Your records will show that I haven’t been there for weeks.
If you need my money that badly, I guess you’d better keep it.
What a shame.
Right & Wrong
She sure nailed me to the floorboards with that policy. Absoloodle.
Justice has been served. Or has it?
A month before this exchange, I returned from a swim to find a putative thief had flung my possessions around the change room.
I alerted the receptionist, expecting her reaction to include:
- Oh, you poor dear! That must be unsettling.
- Goodness! Is anything missing?
- Would you mind showing Bert where you hung/found your bag?
- Thanks so much for letting us know!
- All of the above.
Instead, she said:
- We’re not liable for possessions stolen from bags left on hooks.
- That’s why we have lockers.
- You should’ve used a locker.
- It’s in the policy.
Another (new) policy is to charge members $3 each time they forget their card.
And a sign has appeared near the sauna urging patrons not to spit.
All this has dampened my urge to swim.
The pool is run by my council, with my rates, for my health.
Is my community so rabid that all these policies must be enforced with such rigour?
Could any of us business owners foist kindred measures on our customers?
Please jump in with your comments.
The water (at least) is fine.
I recently got a letter from the pool’s Sales, Retention & Events Officer.
Amid exhortations to buy a $60 Personal Training session …
We’ve been wondering where you are! It’s been a while since we last saw you in the Centre.
We want to make sure you get the most from your membership so if there is anything we can do to help you, please drop in and see us or give us a call.
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire