We often hear that ‘the customer is king’. But should this translate into titles?
I began work in retail and was a polite lad, so I called every male customer Sir. As I grew older, the habit stuck and I used Sir in my other roles.
To my surprise, it didn’t always have the desired effect.
Nor does it always work when I’m the customer.
Hardware
For six years I mixed paint, sold mowers and advised men on sheds and security doors. I used Sir to great effect and never hit a snag.
Pub
Pulling beers in a working suburb, I felt a murmur among the patrons every time I used Sir. I stuck with it, thinking they weren’t used to such good service.
Then a couple of drinkers signalled their preference for Mate. I agreed, but used Sir with the rest. The innkeeper took me aside and explained that:
1. His drinkers weren’t fond of Sirs.
2. They didn’t want to be called one.
3. I sounded like one.
4. This was putting them off their beer.
Suppliers
When fixing and furnishing my home, I addressed my suppliers as Sir. As deadlines slid and costs blew out, I became ever more polite in an effort to ‘reach’ them. This triggered worse service.
In hindsight, I believe my use of Sir signalled that I was too incompetent, unmanly and/or nice to be taken seriously, and that I could be ignored with impunity.
Car Wash
As detailed in All Washed Up the salesman’s incessant use of Sir made it more of a punctuation mark than a mark of respect. In that exchange, I felt no elevation of title.
Suit
Last week I had a hire suit fitting. I was certain the immaculate consultant would address me as Sir. Instead, she led with Love and progressed to Darl as she took my measure.
Though initially shocked, I must admit that her approach made for a pleasant interaction. But would she have taken a different tack if I’d been buying the suit? What if I were buying a BMW? And what if the consultant were male?
Help!
Deciding what to call customers isn’t as easy as it looks. Treating people with ‘respect’ varies with their definition. And it seems that class, nation and gender may be skewing the stats.
It should be obvious by now that I need help with this one.
Do you use Sir? If so, under what circumstances? How does it go down? If not, what do you call your customers?
Paul Hassing, Founder & Senior Writer, The Feisty Empire
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Author
Cheeky
October 15, 2009 at 9:57 am
Sir – can be condescending – it can be cheeky, it can be taken the wrong way more often than not.
Having worked in many fields of employment from the lowly beer puller to the business manager (and everything inbetween)I find you need to assess the person BEFORE attempting any form of formal address.
Just recently I had cause to address something to a long-time family friend who has seen me grow up – was at my wedding and yet I still deferred to her as Mrs, simply a form of respect, I have never thought of here as anything else. Yet her husband of 50years I can happily refer to by his christian name.
When pulling beers to address someone as ‘Sir’ is a put-off – they come for friendship and mateship not to be made to feel uncomfortable, in saying that though, sometimes a customer who is a little over-refreshed can actually be calmed down with the word Sir, they feel important and tend to listen whereas you call them Mate, when refusing them a drink they take offence, because you are no longer a ‘mate’ if you are refusing to give them what they want.
From a sales point of view, a customer who is 20yrs plus your senior will often appreciate the title sir, but more often than not would prefer you call them Mr/Mrs Xxxxxxx rather than sir.
Sir can be extremely insulting when addressing tradespeople as they see themselves as the people who get dirty for those that like titles and air graces and therefore to be ‘elevated’ into that world, which often they have tried hard to avoid, makes the feel dirty!
Each and every encounter needs to be assessed individually addressed accordingly.
Author
Paul Hassing
October 15, 2009 at 10:03 am
Thank you for this very handy guide, Cheeky. No wonder I’ve been coming unstuck all these years! I think I’ve broken every one of your rules many times. This is really good stuff – especially about the tradespeople. I had no idea! Best regards and thanks again. P.
Author
Adam Finlay
October 15, 2009 at 10:44 am
Catching up on your sensational recent posts, Paul, after time at conference, moving house, then nursing wrist tendonitis (refer moving house).
I find ‘Sir’ jarring in good old egalitarian Oz. It smacks of a class consciousness that we don’t profess to have (even if we do have).
In the States, many folk use ‘Sir’ as a sign of genuine respect, and it works fine.
So, nothing wrong with the word and the intention … it’s the cultural environment you need to consider.
Best
Sir Move-a-lot
Author
Paul Hassing
October 15, 2009 at 10:48 am
Cheers, me old China plate! (Or did you break that too?!)
I confess to craving clear rules and sticking to them. But that just don’t work in the world of humans. Think I’ll get another goldfish…
Author
Fontella Hassing
October 15, 2009 at 10:57 am
Hi Paul,
This is an excellent post. Your writing sometimes fills me with pride and this is one of those…and one I hope helps you shake the use of the word Sir permanently from your exemplary vocab! You are the kindest, most considerate person I know. You don’t need to use the word Sir. I think it demeans you. Please refrain from using at the ball this Saturday as you are every bit as important as anyone you might meet (and way more important in my eyes!). Fonnie xo
Author
Paul Hassing
October 15, 2009 at 11:04 am
WOAH!
Now THERE’S a comment! How lucky am I to have such an incredible wife?!
Thank you, Ma’am!
XOX
Author
Michael Martin
October 15, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Even if I’m transgressing some other local, State or national etiquette howsoever it may apply, I wish to extend a meaningful, friendly nod and tip of m’hat, without mention of the ‘S’ word.
Yep, Michael on tour; Spike I’m sure will breathe easier.
I moot your sub-clause regarding demographically skewed stats lies at the heart of resolution. For my part, in my part of the world, I’ve safely negotiated passage into middle-age with frequent though selective use, mostly as a suffix contextually, thus: You are a gent, sir.
Sadly, class systems tend to be a comfort blanket for some, content with a dualistic “them & us” mindset. Interesting to note that the root, ‘sire’, also applied to the clergy. Interesting to me anyway, given the reverse-psychology prevalent in the Middle Ages, not just in my middling years. Feudal serfdom enforced by a bunch of thugs and extortionists otherwise known as Barons and Knights (gifted land and landed gentry in exchange for protection of the dubiously ascended Royalty), to which the Church for the most part co-opted for its own ends is somewhat at odds with the definition of a Sir.
A bit like calling the manufacture, development, sale, deployment and aim of a missile, defence.
But I digress. Does that make me an honorary Osstraalyan? Nah, thought not.
Running your own business and craving rules: my we humans are indeed a paradox. Dichotomy even. Oxymoron in the making.
Maybe it’s about being trusting enough that your customers can tell when you’re being respectful, irrespective. And that is pretty hard to do when one is a subscribed member of the fiercely independent perfectionist business-owner.
Author
Michael Martin
October 15, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Business-owner brigade. That’s brigade. Fell off the edge of the post. Long-haul flights, shoulda sent it via Qantas.
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 16, 2009 at 3:29 am
I wondered what Fonnie was short for…interesting name…where is it from Fonnie?…it surely must have a fine story behind it? I’m eager to hear if you’re comfortable to tell?
I reckon all of the above have merit…but it seems to me dear Cobba, ol’ Bean, that what your asking is not so much what do you call your customers, as it is, how do I or can I know what they prefer to be called?
To do that, I reckon one first has to navigate 2 Karmic clouds: One’s own, and the other person’s. What do I mean by this? Perhaps it’s best to illustrate with a couple of examples:
Have you ever met someone that you frequently see thereafter? e.g. a new colleague, team member, neighbour. You learn that their name is Jacque but every time you see them all that comes to mind is Graham; and the name Jacque has left the known Universe? Past life recall.
What about when you meet someone and even if you plaster their name in 50 foot LED placards on every street corner, you can be standing right in front of them AND a placard, yet the moment you look at them your mind leaves the known Universe? They don’t want to be known (often these fae folk’s faces forgo fully featured frescos for faintly foggy frames…one often has to squint just to see if they have eyes…do you know the ones?).
Or the ones where no matter how hard you try, every time you say their name it comes out as a pathetic squeek? I don’t want to know them. Either that or we’ve taken turns at killing each other for stupid reasons in several past lives
In your case, reinforced by Fonnie’s comment, I would venture her arrow as usual has hit the bull’s-eye. Your karmic cloud appears somewhat similar to mine…it’s not so much a lack of self worth as it is an awe and guardianship of others (read everyone), seemingly at one’s own expense. But secreted deep away in heart a knowing that to uplift one is to uplift all, therefore not at one’s own expense at all…usually only goldfish can tune into that one.
How does this help in terms of business? Buggered if I know
…I’m just on a roll 
But I do this – Ask! I think we’ve adequately explored, across several of your fine posts, various circumstances whereupon a professional may choose the client?…including firing them? http://myob.com.au/blog/it%E2%80%99s-a-knockout/
Though I would love to be able to, I don’t seem to be able to please everyone…clearly even Jesus couldn’t get around that one
So if I feel that it is important, and if all of my other ‘Spidy’ senses go on the fritz in the presence of a particular person/client, I simply ask – What would you prefer to be called?
It works for me…
Here endeth the sermon Herman ;-P
Cheers
Stephen G
Author
Paul Hassing
October 16, 2009 at 3:38 am
What a beautiful response, Stephen. I’m so glad I stayed up for it!
Your wisdom font is so deep it’s at risk of Four Mile uranium acid leaching. Thank you for taking the time to table your take. Along with your wonderful alliteration.
Fonnie (also Fonty, Fonzie, Fronnie, Connie, Bonnie, Sonny, Ronny, Vonny – depending on phone line quality) was named after the jazz singer Fontella Bass (who sang Rescue Me).
Author
Paul Hassing
October 16, 2009 at 4:04 am
Dear Michael, thank you so much for visiting. I’m delighted to have your erudite input. You’ve really taken things up a notch.
I love learning from commenters and you’ve got me forming new synapses at a great rate of knots. I hope you come back soon. Best regards indeed!
PS: Now that the system knows you, your comments should appear immediately. Sorry for the delay earlier.
Author
Michael Martin
October 16, 2009 at 5:43 am
Paul: hope to be a regular. Thanks for the welcome; appreciated. I love that Fontella Bass song! Apology surplus; time zones entail patience so I got time to tend to the weeds around growing my own synapses
Stephen: wow. Soul group hug. THAT, I venture, helps in terms of respective ventures. Stumbled upon perhaps, but only because we’ve been steered in the general direction of remembering. Personally I go with the Sacred Contract principle. Free will to do whatever we want in the moment, save solely for it taking place within the context of the effect (outcome) of previous cause (choices = circumstance). We bandits, rogues and vagabond rapscallions all appear to have a common gene united in championing the underdog and injustice. But as the strapline goes, every little helps. Where two or more are gathered in his [sic] name, ergo, nice seeing you again, where you been all my life, like NOW, you put in an apperance? Coulda done with you guys in the playground.
Author
Michael Martin
October 16, 2009 at 5:48 am
Naturally. I chide our Stephen about a typo over yonder wood fire and whaddya know. Instant karma. Can you just, y’know, look the other way for a sec? I’m sidling up here tippy-toeing along the very fetching green banner…kick the ‘r’ over a bit..yeah got it…appearance.
Author
Jurek Leon
October 16, 2009 at 11:00 am
Love your ‘Yes Sir, No Sir’ piece, Paul. You and your contributors make a number of great points.
I’m a Perth based customer service training specialist and this is an issue that bothers a lot of service providers. People in a number of roles get shocked by the negative response from some types of customers when they politely address them as ‘Sir’.
I remember one young lad who hadn’t been long working in a menswear store. He was totally confused and ready to quit his job. He’d sold his first suit to a middle aged white collar worker. Addressed him respectfully as ‘Sir’ and everything went well. Next day he had a worker down from the mines in the North West of WA. Probably getting kitted out for a mate’s wedding. The young sales assistant said, “I’ll just take these three pairs of trousers to the change room for you sir.”
The mine worker growled at him, “Do you know what I did to the last person who called me sir?”. The poor young lad didn’t know what to do. It shattered his confidence.
I explained to him that he hadn’t done anything wrong. It’s just that people are different and it’s a case of being aware and trying to match your comment to the individual… as mentioned in earlier postings.
If you get it wrong, and we all do at times, genuinely apologise, making it clear no offence was meant and adjusting to the customer’s preferred approach.
Author
Paul Hassing
October 16, 2009 at 11:41 am
Hi Jurek! I’m rapt you’ve made it here as I’m a big fan of your most excellent newsletter.
I’m glad you dug the piece and its corollaries. We’re very lucky to have such high calibre contributors and I learn far more from their comments than I do from the research I do for each post.
It’s great to get your WA take on this issue. I’m still startled at how touchy people are about Sir. I thought this would be a nice little ‘sideshow’ post, but it seems the narrowest of seams runs quite deep.
I do hope you’ll come back soon. Maybe we can even extract a guest post to showcase your particular geographic and experiential perspective. Best regards, P.
Author
Stephen Glanville
October 16, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Oh Michael…what happened mate?…Did your Karma run over your Dogma ?
…oops! I mean 
…Actually, no I don’t ;-P
What was it that was said in the Malleus Maleficarum ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malleus_Maleficarum )? Something to the effect that one of the joys of the righteous upon entering the kingdom of Heaven, is to watch the suffering of those in Pergatory? Kinda takes reality TV to a whole new level doesn’t it?
Ooh! Perhaps I’d best shut-up, I just had this strange image of my Karma transmuting into a ‘Truckma’
And don’t tell me you were blogging from your ‘kick-ass mobile’ Michael?
Re: “Coulda done with you guys in the playground” – Whadya think this is?…Scotch Mist? ;-P
Butt seriously…it is indeed an honour to have you grace our Southern Shores dear Michael…even if virtually.
I sincerely hope that from the melee of your busy schedule that you may indeed perchance to frequent our humble ‘abloges’.
Oh and back atchya with the hug thingy ol’ Bean…but keep that between us ey? I’m not one for public displays of affection
I look forward to more…
Cheers
Stephen G
PS I thought and Oxymoron was an idiot welded to a tap?